


i know who i am when i'm alone, something else when i see you

by parrishesforlife



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M, Meet-Cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:20:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parrishesforlife/pseuds/parrishesforlife
Summary: Adam is sad and lonely in a Friday night alone in his dorm room and when Blue calls for a favor, it might just be what he needs to get out of his head.Or Adam rescues Ronan from a bar.
Relationships: Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 3
Kudos: 152





	i know who i am when i'm alone, something else when i see you

**Author's Note:**

> hey this is my first fic! the title is from Hozier's song "It Will Come Back"
> 
> english is not my first language so there might be some mistakes pls forgive me
> 
> hope you enjoy!

Adam Parrish was alone.

Not alone space wise, although that was the case too, but alone in the world. There was no one out there that loved or supported him. He no longer maintained contact with his parents and, don’t get him wrong, he was grateful he finally escaped his father, but, if not his parents, who else was there? It’s not like he ever had his parents supporting him in the first place, but sitting in his tiny dorm room at college at the end of his first semester, Adam was suddenly too aware of the fact that he had no one.

In fact, Adam couldn’t remember the last time he talked to someone outside of work and professor and the occasional colleague that stopped him to ask about his notes for some class. He couldn’t even remember the last time he talked to Blue, his ex-girlfriend back who was now what he could maybe call a friend, but not quite. Since Blue started dating Gansey, a boy as pretentious as his full name, and since he left for college with no plans to ever come back to his hometown, they had barely been able to hold a conversation for longer than 5 minutes and the occasional check-in text they sent each other that seemed to say hey I remember you but I don’t know how to talk to you anymore.

The funny thing is that Adam saved money for months to be able to buy a phone, solely for the purpose of talking to Blue, and now they barely talk. But it’s okay, right? At least he has a phone now and doesn’t feel as much as an outsider when his posh classmates talk about social media and exchange phone numbers. But even then, Adam still feels as if he sticks out like a sore thumb. He does get invites to parties and he even goes to them sometimes, although he hasn’t been to one in at least a month due to exams and projects, but even when he goes, he doesn’t fit in. The noise is too loud and he can hardly hear anything besides the music with his hearing ear and the conversations are always about something he doesn’t understand such as annoying parents (he actually understands a lot about this one but not in the way his classmates would want to hear), dating (Adam can’t maintain a relationship to save his life) and weekends in The Hamptons. 

And in this particularly Friday night Adam is all alone in his dorm, counting his blessings that his roommate is out with his girlfriend and won’t come back until Monday, which allows him to sleep without interruptions. But as he lays his head on his thin pillow, he finds that he can’t sleep. Normally exhaustion would claim him the moment his body hit the bed, but it figures that the day Adam is feeling lonely is the day he can’t go to sleep. Adam is no stranger to feeling like this, feeling unworthy of love and not enough, but usually he can lock these thoughts up in a box in order to survive the day, and the day after that. Tonight, though, the thoughts just can’t seem to leave him alone.

So when Adam’s phone rings well past midnight, he is still not asleep, but staring at the ceiling in attempt to quiet his thoughts down. The boy sits up and reaches for his phone on the nightstand and sees the screen lighting up with the name Blue and a picture of her from his last day in Henrietta that she took herself and, in that moment, he doesn’t know if he’s relieved Blue is calling to take him out of the loneliness crawling at his chest or scared because lately his conversations with Blue are filled with silences, aches and anger sitting in his throat.

Really, looking back, he should’ve figured out that Blue calling in odd hours of the night didn’t really mean nothing good and she obviously wouldn’t have called just to chat, because why would she want to talk to him when all he did was run and run and get angry and get angry?

But he realized this soon enough, when instead of Blue’s usual greetings and cheery voice, he was met with a careful tone.

“Hey Adam, did I wake you?” Blue said and, from her tone alone, he knew nothing good was coming from it.

“Uh no, I was just finishing up some things”, he lied, “what’s up?”

“I kind of need a favor from you”, he heard a male voice in the background and Blue paused for a moment, “Well, actually, Gansey needs a favor from you”, she said in quiet, but annoyed voice. 

Oh yes, Gansey, the pretentious boyfriend.

“I’m sorry, what?” Adam couldn’t keep the annoyance out of his tone when he asked this. He didn’t know what Gansey could possibly need from him and he wasn’t thrilled to learn either.

“You see, Gansey has a friend that is visiting Columbia right now and he’s in a situation”, Blue answered, her careful tone giving place to a defensive one, “He’s drunk in some college bar and he doesn’t really know his way around and we were thinking if maybe you could pick him up?” the statement came out half a question and half an affirmative.

“I’m sorry, what?” Adam repeated, exasperated. They wanted him to go out at – he glanced at the clock in his nightstand- 2 in the morning to go pick up someone he barely knew? Someone that on top of it all was drunk in a bar?

“Look, Adam” – now Gansey was talking, in that voice of his that was annoyingly soothing – “Ronan, my friend, went to visit his brother at Columbia, but they had a fallout and he won’t go back to his brother’s apartment, but he also doesn’t have anywhere else to stay the night and I worry about him wandering around the city drunk and on his own. If you could pick him up and let him stay the night it would be a great help. I know it’s too much to ask, but –‘’

“You’re right, it is too much to ask” Adam interrupted, disbelief coloring his tone, “you want me to bring someone I don’t know home and for what? Consideration for you?”, he knew too well that the anger sitting at the bottom of his throat was aching to get out, but he was trying to keep I down.

“Adam, please consider it,” Blue took the phone back, “if not for Gansey, do it for me. I know you don’t like him, but Ronan is kind of my friend too, I’m worried about him.”

Something in her voice made Adam pause and take a breath. It’s not that he didn’t like Gansey, but the boy was so perfect and put together that he made Adam feel small and insignificant in comparison, he was a reminder of everything Adam wasn’t and never would be, for himself and for Blue too. And it wasn’t that he still liked Blue in that way, or wished to have her back, but sometimes he couldn’t help but feel like he fucked up his one chance at love.

“You still there?” Blue asked and when he hummed in agreement she continued, “I know this isn’t a great thing to ask, especially since we haven’t really talked lately, but I worry about you too, you know? You’re still my friend, and I wish you could be my friend too, so asking you to do something like this for me wouldn’t be so awkward.”

It was not fair. Adam had so much to say to that, he didn’t even know if what he felt was anger, or sadness, or loneliness or all of the above. He wanted to say You’re my friend too, I’m sorry I’m such an asshole, I miss you so much sometimes it hurts, I’m sorry all I have ever know is hiding and running away and even now that I got out, I can’t seem to stop running. Instead, what he said was:

“Blue…” in a shaky breath.

“I know, Adam, I know”, Blue whispered back to him. They both knew she didn’t actually know everything that went through his head, since he never let her in, but they also knew that now was not the time for this, but maybe sometime it would be.

So Adam let out a defeated sigh.

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you.”

The sincerity in Blue’s voice was almost enough to convince him that what he was about to do was worth it. Almost.

That’s how Adam Parrish found himself walking around campus in the chilling November air at almost 3 in the morning. The wind was cold and the jeans Adam put on had holes in the knees and his hoodie was worn-out and the fabric was thin after years of use and even with the hood on, he was not very protected against the cold.

The Columbia campus after dark was creepy and Adam walked alone for about 15 minutes until he reached the bar in which Gansey said he would find Ronan. The bar was crowded and even before Adam turned around the corner of the place, he could hear the music. A feeling of regret washed over him suddenly, but he pushed it down. He would do this for Blue, an attempt to sew the holes in their friendship. Thankfully, Adam didn’t have to enter the bar to find Gansey’s friend.

Ronan Lynch was sitting on the sidewalk with a tight grip in the neck of the beer bottle he was holding. When Gansey described Ronan, he said to look for a tall boy, shaved head, probably dressed all in black. What Adam expected was some rich kid going through a rebellious phase that decided to change his wardrobe and shave his head to piss off his parents, or his brother, in this case. What Adam didn’t expect was a handsome boy with sharp features and a dangerous smile that seemed to fit in with his style and, although he still looked like a rich kid rebelling, he also looked genuine in a way those pretentious assholes could never be. That didn’t mean Ronan Lynch was not an asshole himself, Adam quickly learned.

Ronan apparently saw him approach and knew he was coming to get him, because the boy shot him a glare and a mocking smile at the same time. He looked Adam in the eyes as he took a swing of his bottle, as if daring him to say something.

“You the babysitter? Dick said he was sending someone to get me” He scowled. Adam felt rage spike at his chest and he swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth.

“If maybe you weren’t such a baby you wouldn’t need one, yet here we are” Ronan glared even more at his answer and Adam rolled his eyes, “Look, I don’t want to be here and I don’t give a fuck about what you do, but I promised Blue I would take you to my dorm for the night, so suck it up and let’s go.”

“Well, Parrish, if you want to take me home you could’ve just said” Ronan drawled. His cheeks heated up and he leveled Ronan with a glare. The boy did not make a move to get up the sidewalk.

The night was getting colder and Adam’s patience was wearing thin. The bar was too loud and he was having trouble concentrating on Ronan’s voice because of it. The people crowded at the front of the bar talking loudly didn’t help at all.

Adam huffed and sat in the sidewalk beside Ronan, hugging his knees to hist chest in an attempt to keep himself warm. He was kind of jealous of Ronan for having a leather jacket on and combat boots. 

“What are you doing?” Ronan asked.

“What does it look like?” He shot back. “I’m waiting for you to get your shit together so I can go to bed and not freeze to death on this sidewalk” He said in his most condescending tone.

“Should’ve known you were one of these Columbia assholes who thinks too highly of themselves” Ronan growled. This made Adam heat up at once, enraged to be compared to rich assholes, when Ronan clearly was one of them, too. The alcohol in his breath made Adam weary. He didn’t like to be around drunk people he didn’t know.

“You don’t know me” Adam answered, matching his tone.

“Oh, don’t I? Ivy League students are all the same. Always thinking they are smarter than everyone and know everything” Ronan huffed, but suddenly his jab wasn’t directed at Adam anymore, but at someone else. His brother, probably. Adam didn’t say anything back to this and they sat in silence until Ronan talked again.

“Declan fucking thinks that just because he wants to go college it means that everyone does, that it’s the only way to be successful, but fuck him, I’m already rich, I don’t need college.”

Adam couldn’t think of a universe where he wouldn’t want to go to college, not work his ass off for it, but he knew it was different for everyone. When you’re rich, like Ronan just said he was, he knew whatever path you followed was a path towards more money, going to college or not. He couldn’t relate and the thought left a bitter taste in his mouth.

The time passed and Ronan discarded his empty beer bottle, leaving him and Adam side by side on the sidewalk in silence and nothing to do. Ronan was chewing on the leather bands in his wrist and he seemed to be sobering up a bit. When Adam couldn’t take the cold anymore, he said:

“You ready to go?”

“Yeah, man, whatever” Ronan grunted.

Adam got up and started making his way back to the dorm and Ronan quickly fell in place with him. As they walked, he couldn’t help but shiver, the chill in his bones were settling in quick and his threadbare hoodie was not doing a good job in protecting him. After a while, Ronan started to get annoyed, it seemed.

“For fuck’s sake, man, take my jacket already if you’re so damn cold.”

“What? I don’t want your jacket and the dorm is just a few minutes away, anyway” Adam protested.

“Just take the fucking jacket” Ronan grunted, “I don’t want Gansey annoying me when you freeze to death” and with that, he was already taking his jacket off.

Adam was annoyed. He could handle the cold on his own, he didn’t want Ronan to lend him the jacket. But Ronan was wearing a snug sweater underneath that was thicker than his own hoodie. He sighed, but took the jacket.

Ronan was pleased with the turn of events, because his scowl had been traded to a slight quirk of his mouth that was almost a smile and Adam, well, Adam was pretty pleased with the heat provided from the jacket. The leather was thick and Ronan was taller and broader just enough so that it hung a little on his shoulders and covered his hands. It also smelled amazing, but Adam didn’t want to think about it, seeing as he was already avoiding the way the moonlight hit Ronan’s sharp jaw and icy blue eyes and left him looking like a gorgeous war god. Nope, he was not thinking about that.

They didn’t talk again until they reached the dorms. Adam opened the door and welcomed the heat of his room, letting the both of them in. He could see Ronan taking is the space and he felt briefly ashamed of his empty side of the room. While his roommate’s were filled with stuff, pictures and belongings, Adam’s was bare. He only had a postcard from Blue from one of her trips with Gansey and a picture of them in high school from when they were still dating hanging on the wall above his bed. His desk was tidy, with only textbooks and papers and his notebooks in it. Aside from that and his unmade bed, his side of the room barely looked lived in. 

But Ronan didn’t care, it seemed. He made a humming noise after inspecting the room and sat on Adam’s bed, looking at him with a blank but intense expression. Adam cleared his throat before talking again.

“So… you can take my bed” He said, “my roommate is out for the night so I can sleep in his bed.”

“Bullshit, sleep on your own bed” Ronan argued and Adam rolled his eyes.

“Look, you can’t sleep in my roommate’s bed, he won’t appreciate it if when he comes back tomorrow there’s a stranger in his bed”

“I’m a stranger to you too, if I sleep in your bed the effect will be the same” Ronan retorted and left Adam infuriated, “I’ll take the floor, it’s fine. Probably better than your shitty mattress, anyway.”

Adam was preparing to fight, but before he could respond his phone rang and the screen lit up with Blue’s name again. He picked up and, while he was assuring Blue and Gansey that Ronan was safe and now mostly sober, the boy in question had already torn off one his blankets from his bed and stretched it on the floor, lying in it. Adam, seeing that he would not win this time, sighed and gave up.

“Yeah, fine, sleep on the floor for all I care” He said, but he went to his wardrobe and grabbed an extra pillow and a blanket with the Columbia logo in it and tossed it to Ronan. 

He proceeded to slip out of his jeans and put his sweatpants back on, not caring if Ronan saw him changing. He realized that he was still wearing his jacket and he took it off, stretching it over the chair in his desk.

Adam laid his head on his pillow and closed his eyes, trying to get warm again beneath his blankets. He found, however, that sleep was still far away from him, even after walking around exhausted in the cold. He listened close for Ronan’s breath and deduced that the boy was not asleep either.

“So, you’re from Henrietta?” Ronan grunted, somehow managing to sound uninterested even though he is the one asking the question.

“Yeah,” Adam breathed.

“And you don’t miss it?”

“God, no,” Adam laughed bitterly, “couldn’t be happier to be out of there, really.” This felt like a confession, somehow. It was no secret to himself that he never wanted to go back to Henrietta again, and Blue knew it too, even though he never voiced this out loud in such a blunt manner, but saying it like this, felt like coming to terms with it, letting go of a weight he didn’t know he was carrying until it left him. He didn’t expect Ronan to say anything back, but knowing that he knew made him relax a bit. 

“Uh,” Ronan said, “so you like New York?” and the way he asked the question made Adam realize that maybe this wasn’t about him at all.

“I don’t love it,” he said, remembering the loud noises of the city and the way everywhere seemed to have too many people, “but I like it. It’s way better than Virginia.” He thought back to how no one seemed to care who you were and what you were doing, everyone so caught up in their own business that they didn’t have time to look into yours. The anonymity was refreshing, and made Adam feel like he wasn’t being judged and almost like he belonged there. Maybe one day he would.  
They stayed in silence for a bit, listening to each other breath. The dark of the room was only interrupted by a strip of moonlight that broke through the curtains. When Ronan spoke again, it was in a tone so careless that gave away that it wasn’t indifferent at all.  
“Declan wants me to move here next year. He thinks that I shouldn’t be alone in Henrietta now that Gansey is going to college in the fall and Mathew is taking a gap year after graduation. But I don’t want to fucking leave.”

Adam didn’t know exactly what prompted Ronan to start telling him about his family issues, if it was the alcohol or the fact that Adam was a stranger and therefore would not have opinions on the matter, but he didn’t mind. He gathered quickly that Ronan kept his secrets and issues close to him and, if he chose to share it with Adam, he would accept it. 

So he didn’t share his insights while Ronan rambled on about his parents and the impossibility of returning home to a place he called The Barns, and that he didn’t want to be alone in Monmouth (the place he shared with Gansey) but he also didn’t want to move to New York, even if he didn’t need to live with his brother again. He stayed quiet when Ronan said that really his only option was to move to the city and find out which ways he could annoy Declan even more now that he was going to live closer to him. He only said something when Ronan declared that if he was coming to New York he guessed that knowing someone that “didn’t fucking suck completely” would be nice and Adam belatedly realized Ronan was talking about him.

“Oh” was all that he managed.

“Yeah, whatever,” Ronan grunted, “you do suck a little, though, with all this nerdy Ivy League shit.” 

Adam actually laughed in response to that, endeared with the boy’s embarrassment. After that, he told Ronan what it was like to live in the city and how much Ronan would hate the university students. Adam shared with him that his only good memories in Henrietta were with Blue and when Ronan called her “maggot’, he sensed it was less of an insult and more of a caring nickname. Adam didn’t mention his parents, but he thought that the lack of acknowledgment said enough about the subject. As the night went on, they talked about Gansey and Blue, and Ronan told him about their first meeting, the way Gansey insulted Blue ten seconds in in their first conversations and it was nice to hear it from another perspective. Adam started to realize that maybe Gansey wasn’t all that bad and he would give him a chance, if that meant it would be easier for Blue and him go back to being friends.

And as the morning light illuminated the room, Adam found didn’t feel so alone anymore. The warmth in his chest was renovated with hope, and if that had to do with a certain boy, no longer what Adam would call a stranger, sleeping on his floor, he would not say anything.

Adam woke up with the faint sound of crashing and curse words. He was sleeping on his side, with his good ear pressed to the pillow, so he couldn’t make out what was happening exactly. At first he thought it was his roommate, but then he remembered that the was out for the night. He sat upright on the bed in a rush and when he opened his eyes and saw Ronan, the night before came crashing back. It seemed appropriate that Ronan was the one cursing and making loud noises.

Ronan saw him wake up and greeted him with a grunt. He was sitting on the floor, on top of the blankets and hugging the pillow to his chest.

“Mornin’” Adam said, his sleepiness making his Henrietta accent drag he word out. Ronan looked at him funny when he heard it.

“Hi,” he responded, “your fucking nightstand it out to get me, I swear. I hit my head 4 fucking times already” Ronan put the pillow back on the floor and got up.

“It’s your own fault for not wanting to sleep on a bed.” Adam said as he got up. He stretched his arms above his head and saw in the corner of his eyes Ronan trace the movement and drop his eyes to his stomach. Adam felt himself flush and hoped the other boy didn’t notice it. Ronan then cleared his throat and averted his gaze. 

“Yeah, whatever” he grunted again, “I’m fucking hungry, I’m gonna get breakfast or whatever.” He put his leather jacket back on and went to the door, pausing with his hand in the doorknob. Adam hadn’t realized that it was an invitation for him too until Ronan asked “You coming or what?” 

Adam quickly counted how much money he could spare to got out to eat and how it would affect his next meal, since he believed wherever Ronan wanted to go was not going to be as cheap as the college cafeteria. He sighed and resigned himself to get just a coffee. The option of not going and not get to spend more time with Ronan didn’t even cross his mind.

“Yeah, I’ll go.”

After Adam had changed out of his sleep clothes and put on a Columbia hoodie, thicker than the one he wore last night, and went to bathroom, Ronan and him went out of the dorms. The cold hit them in the face and Adam shivered again. This time, Ronan didn’t offer his jacket, but he got closer to him, enough that their arms brushed against each other every other step.

It turned out that Adam hadn’t needed to worry about what he could afford at the café they went to, because Ronan somehow managed to pay for the both of them without Adam noticing. He got distracted looking at the menu and suddenly Ronan had way too much food for one person in his hands and when he grunted about sharing what he bought, Adam let himself be persuaded. He knew that in most circumstances he would fight and be stubborn, but Ronan had already managed to get him acting so unlike himself since the night before that he let it happen.

It was only for one day, after all, he doubted that Ronan would follow through the comment he made about being friends when he moved to the city.

But he started to doubt it a little less in the day that followed, a chilly Saturday with nothing much to do but walk around. Ronan somehow convinced him to not do homework in order to walk around the city and show him around. 

“Come on, Parrish, be my tour guide.”

“You’ve never been to New York before?” Adam asked, he couldn’t imagine Aglionby boys who hadn’t spent the winter break in the city, much less one that had never come.

“I’ve been to Manhattan once with my family but it was only for three day and we didn’t see much more than Central Park and the Statue of Liberty,” Ronan said, “my – uh- my dad had some business to attend to and brought us with him, spent most of the time in the hotel.” The hesitancy to mention his father was visible and, although Ronan had mentioned that his parents were dead, Adam didn’t know what it was about but didn’t mention it.

“Well, Central Park is really cool, so…” he said, trying to make it less awkward.

“It is, but it was a shitty trip,” Ronan kicks the ground outside the café. “Actually, my father was shitty, but I didn’t fucking realize it until too late. Well, he is dead now, so whatever.” He grunts.

Adam absolutely does not know how to handle talking about feelings in the daylight, does not feel any empathy for having a dead parent, because he doesn’t think that if his father passed he would be sad and he also already knows his father is shitty, so. 

“Is this the part where I say I’m sorry for your loss?” He asks instead, “shit, I have no idea what to say.”

“Fuck no, it’s fucking tiring to her that every time I mention my dad, you’re good.”

“Ok, so no talking about feelings, then?” Adam teases, hopes it breaks the tension. It does, thankfully.

“No, fucking God,” Ronan snorts, “I swear every time Gansey makes me talk about my feelings an angel dies.”

Adam laughs. He can’t imagine Ronan having a heart to heart with anyone willingly, but he can for sure imagine Gansey wanting to do so.

“Can you imagine how much Gansey and Blue must talk about their feelings?” Adam says, amused. It’s maybe the first time ever that he doesn’t feel bitter about their relationship. He also thinks that maybe communicating leads to a healthy relationship, but he knows neither Ronan nor himself are the best with words.

It’s weird, though, feelings like he knows so much about Ronan already. Like he knows the boy since forever. He doesn’t know if it’s because they seem so similar or because they talked a lot the night before and heard Blue talk about Ronan sometimes, but he knew it felt right.

“It must be hell, fuck” Ronan says, “imagine the weekly session they have to sort through their feelings.” It’s Adam’s time to snort.

“Oh, trust me, I know, when I dated Blue, she was always telling me how important it was for me to share with her.” 

Ronan stops walking. They were almost in the subway station, but now they’re just standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Adam knows for a fact that the New Yorker’s are gonna get angry with them, can already hear the huffs as they walk past, because they’re in the way.

“You dated Blue?” Ronan asks, his voice weird suddenly. Adam looks at him, but he averts his eyes to the other side of the street.

“Uh, yes? I thought you knew that already.” Adam really thought he did, because he was pretty sure that, even though he was insecure about his friendship with Blue sometimes, she talked about him. 

“I didn’t,” Ronan mutters, then resumed walking, but this time he walks fast, leaving Adam behind. As he tries to catch up with the boy, Adam tries to figure out what he did wrong. He thought they were okay, laughing and having fun.

He was still thinking about it even when Ronan seemed to forget whatever he did and resumed to talking shit and make inappropriate jokes that got dirty looks sent their way by the other passengers in the subway. Adam didn’t care about the looks, and laughed anyway. He couldn’t figure out what he said, unless Ronan was somehow… jealous? But it didn’t seem likely. Adam had already admitted to himself that he was attracted to Ronan, all handsome with his sharp jaw, sharp eyes, sharp smile, but he didn’t think Ronan was attracted to him. He was nothing special, and anyway, he didn’t even know if Ronan was interested in boys. He also didn’t know how to broach the subject and say “Hey I’m totally into boys”.

As they got off the subway, nowhere in particular, and continued walking and exploring random places they wanted to look at, Adam was hit with the thought that this felt like a date. It wasn’t like most of the dates he’d ever had, which were either in stuffy restaurants or questionable bar with no in between, but it seemed kind of like a date he would see in movies. God, he was pathetic. He was so lonely he was projecting this into a cliché date idea.

They stopped at a bookstore that looks like it would belong in an indie movie. Inside, it was all wood and smelled like old books and coffee and Adam was delighted. Ronan seemed to be too, but was making an effort to hide it. Adam walked through bookshelves and traced the spines of the books with his hands, reading the titles and occasionally taking the book out to read the summary. He got particularly interested in a book about engineering and astrophysics.

He got so absorbed in the books he didn’t notice Ronan was trailing behind him, leaning against the bookshelf and keeping his gaze locked in him. Adam felt himself blush when he realized it. Soon, Ronan was walking over to him, only stopping when he was too close to Adam. Adam quickly gathered the signs he’d been given since the previous night before making his next move.

He cupped Ronan’s jaw with his hands and inched closer and when Ronan didn’t protest, he closed the distance between their mouths. The kiss was sweet and light with Adam guiding them and when it was over, Ronan sighed and bumped his forehead with Adam’s.

“Is this a date?” Adam asked in a whisper near Ronan’s ear and was pleased when he blushed, his pale skin getting a pink tint.

“If you want it to be” Ronan shrugged.

“I want to,” he agreed, “I didn’t know if I was reading too much into it.” He admitted.

“Fuck,” Ronan sighed, “when you told that you dated Blue…”

“Well, I’m bi, so there’s that.”

“Oh, okay.”

“It’s not going to be a problem, is it? So many people tell me I need to choose one.” Adam confessed. He couldn’t be with someone that didn’t accept who he is.

“No, it’s not” with that, Adam smiled and Ronan returned it, something way softer than he had displayed until then.

They looked around the store a little more and while Adam was checking the fiction section, Ronan went to the cashier to buy a book. They left the store walking closer together than they walked in, their shoulders brushing. Adam built the confidence to grab Ronan’s hand and saw the boy flush a little with the corner of his eyes.

They started to make their way back to Adam’s dorm, riding the subway in a companiable silence, holding hands. This time, no one avoided Ronan, not when he looked so soft. It was when they were back on campus that Ronan spoke up again.

“I’ve never done this before.” He admitted.

“This?”

“Yeah, kissing, dating, whatever,” Ronan said with a grunt, “but I know that I don’t fucking do casual.”

Adam was silent for a moment. He didn’t know how to feel about being Ronan’s first kiss and while he had a little experience, most of it was casual, with dates from college and such, but he had only ever dated Blue. He felt Ronan get antsy by his side and the boy pulled his hand from his.

“It’s fucking fine if you don’t want it,” Ronan said, crossing his arms and somehow making himself smaller and more dangerous at the same time.

“That’s not it,” Adam reached for Ronan’s hand again, “I don’t have much dating experience as well, but I’m willing to try it if you are.”

They had reached Adam’s dorm and were standing by the door. Ronan looked at him then, his eyes bright and hopeful and Adam thought that he probably looked like that too. Then Ronan nodded and Adam closed their distance again.

This time, Adam pressed Ronan against his dorm room, knowing that the halls were mostly empty and they wouldn’t be interrupted. The kiss started sweet like before, but quickly turned into something else. Soon Adam had his hands firm on Ronan’s hips and Ronan was grabbing his neck and threading his fingers through his hair. The kiss was hungry and Adam slipped his tongue in Ronan’s mouth, making the boy groan. When they finally broke apart, Ronan hit his head on the door.

“Fuck,” he said and Adam chuckled, giving his jaw a light kiss. They were still pressed together and Adam stepped back in favor of opening the door and letting them into the dorm.

It was evening already and Ronan had to get back to Declan’s apartment, which he did nothing but complain about. Adam sat on his bed and dragged Ronan along with him, kissing him a few more times before letting him go. They exchanged numbers and Ronan promised to keep him updated with his move to New York, but admitted he was not fond of using his cellphone. Adam didn’t mind, as long as Ronan came to visit him sometimes, which the other boy promised to do until he moved and then they could figure something out together. 

Before leaving, Ronan took Adam’s hand in his and kissed the, making him flush again. Adam couldn’t remember being treated with such care and passion. He felt like he made a good decision as he kissed Ronan one last time.

Adam only noticed well after Ronan had left that he had forgotten the book he bought. When he took it out of the bag it was in, he realized it was the book about engineering he spent so much time looking at. He smiled.

So, yeah, maybe Adam Parrish wasn’t so alone anymore.


End file.
